Parent Training
By John Coblentz
We hear much about child training. Seminars, books, training materials… they tell us what to do, what not to do; what to say, what not to say; even what kind of paddle to use and what kind not to use.
But it is so easy to miss the obvious. Child training is in many ways parent training. God nowhere says, "Children train your parents." Rather, He says to parents, "Train up a child in the way he should go:…" (Prov. 22:6). But embedded in the responsibility to train our children is a remarkable reality: God uses our children to train us. How?
1. Through our children, God trains us to rely on Him. The task of training children brings us quickly to our limitations. We face problems we have never faced before. We find ourselves hung on dilemmas we never knew existed. God wants to use these insights into our limitations to draw us to Himself. As we see our need, He wants us to turn to Him for supply. We cannot, but He can.
2. Through our children, God trains us to face ourselves honestly. One of the most difficult things in life is to face who we really are. In our sin, we want to hide. We want to shift blame. We want to find justifiable reasons for our mistakes and failures. On the other hand, we want to take credit for things we are not really responsible for. We want others to see us as greater, better, stronger, richer, wiser than we really are. Our children help us to see ourselves. They mirror our actions, our words, our attitudes, and our values. In them, we see that we don't always practice what we preach. In them, we observe our true motivations coming out. And out of this understanding of ourselves that our children give back to us, God wants us to be honest.
3. Through our children, God trains us in character qualities that please Him. Children give their parents plenty of opportunities to develop patience, kindness, longsuffering gentleness, wisdom, and self-control. God uses the questions of children, their misbehavior, their messes, their sicknesses, even their quarreling, to train parents. In the fires of responsibilities, interruptions, crying spells, and disrupted plans, God forges character. His goal is not to embarrass us nor to destroy us. He loves us and is using our children to effect changes deep within our heart, changes that will bring glory to His name.
4. Through our children, God trains us in prayer. This is carrying forward all of the above. As we see our limitations, we learn to bring them to God in prayer. As we see our shortcomings and our failures, we learn to confess them honestly to God. As we face the pressures of child training and see immaturity in our character, we cry out to God for growth, for spiritual depth, for strength of character to face the demands of life. Parent training simply doesn't go far without prayer.
5. Through our children, God trains us in spiritual understanding from His Word. Effective answers to child training do not come to us from the "experts" of our day. God has made us. He knows human nature. He knows what is necessary for proper development. He knows how to correct the folly in children. So, God's Word is our guide. And His Word is right. As we face problems in our children, we learn to search the Scriptures for answers to our questions, solutions to our problems. Parent training calls for full confidence in the eternal Word of God.
Sometimes as parents, we focus so much on training our children, we forget that we are in training ourselves. When we forget this basic truth, we easily fall prey to any number of traps.
1. We exercise our authority wrongly. We begin to view our authority as our privilege to wield as we wish instead of as a responsibility to carry out under God.
2. We require things of our children we are not willing to do ourselves. We yell at them for screaming. We complain about their grumbling. We angrily tell them to get a better attitude. We demand that they submit.
3. We lose sight of our own needs. This is especially easy when our children show glaring needs. Theirs are so obvious. In working with them, we often fail to remember that they are a reflection of us - far more accurate than we are willing to admit.
So as we face the summer months and have more opportunity to interact with our children, let's keep in mind that this summer can be a parent-training class. God will be our teacher. Our children will be the object lesson, the teaching tools He uses to give us hands-on experience.
Let's pray to that end.
Selected and used by permission of Reuben and Julie Huffman.